JEWISH DATING

TÊTE-À-TÊTE WITH THE JEWISH DIVA AND WRITER EXTRAORDINAIRE, LEAH FURMAN

Interview With America's #1 Jewish Dating Expert! By Maximillien de Lafayette, Syndicated Columnist

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She is famous, vibrant, self-assured, overwhelmingly intelligent, bright and highly educated. She authored more than 25 books with many bestsellers. She knows a lot about life, "camelionized" people, women, men and those who are between. She wrote books on life, business, entrepreneurial successes, celebrities, superstars, musicians, money, etiquette, legends, religion, society, love, sex, dating, etiquette and refined manners... She brought so many joy, hopes, peace of mind, beauty, serenity, excitement, implosion and explosion, lavas of emotion, acceptable gossips, harmony to relationship and SUCCESS to all those who want to succeed in their love, affairs and relationships. Grosso modo, she is almost THE perfect American woman to date and dream about. And this, delights me, and scares the hell out of me. But, I love to look at this diva, listen to this fabulous creature and tease her brains, if I can! Leah Furman is the most delightful, enigmatic and captivating woman you will ever meet in your life (If you have one). And we are going to talk to her, and see what makes her so special. And of course, she is single. So buckle up, ladies and gentlemen, especially YOU, WHO IS DATING and bursting in flames! It is going to be a bumpy ride!

Leah authored and co-authored authoritative, entertaining, serious, amusing and informative books on relationships, love, romance, celebrities, life after college, stars, intellectual gossips, socialites lifestyle with their petit-four, to name a few: In His Eyes: The Julio Iglesias Jr. Story, Rock Your World: Meet the Moffatts, The Heat Is On: 98°, Heart of Soul: The Lauryn Hill Story, Felicity: Meet the Stars, James Van Der Beek, and The Everything After College Book. And today, Ms. Genius and Charm is going to tell us Who is and is not "A PERFECT DATE"? Just ask her, and Leah will tell you about it. Why safety and caution are extremely important on a first date? Leah has the answer. How important SEX is on a first, second, third or ad infinitum date? Leah will explain it to you. Are Jewish American men refined with a savoir-faire? Leah knows and in this interview, Leah is going to tell us about the whole mumbo jumbo charade. Her new book on sex and dating is taking the country by storm. And this is the force majeure for writing about this enigmatic and fabulous writer femme fatale with brains and beauty.

WHO IS LEAH FURMAN? BUT PRIMO: WHY EVERYBODY IN TOWN IS TALKING ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW? WELL! SHE WROTE THE NEW AND EXPLOSIVE MODERN GUIDE TO SEX AND DATING!!

They are not bragging about her looks, because they already know, she is stunning. They are not talking about her savoir faire, for she had already made her mark in this field. IT IS ABOUT HER MOST RECENT BOOK "DATING FOR JEWISH DUMMIES?" SINGLE JEWISH FEMALE. The First and Only Dating Book for Jews. "Nowhere in this book do I say ‘you have to marry Jewish,’" explains Leah Furman, author of SINGLE JEWISH FEMALE: A Modern Guide to Sex and Dating. "But it’s amazing how many single Jewish females will hear the title SINGLE JEWISH FEMALE and assume, ‘Oh, it’s not for me,’ just because they think the book is for religious Jews." Furman’s premise is that most non-religious Jews’ feelings about their heritage are in a state of flux throughout their lifetimes. In SINGLE JEWISH FEMALE, she advocates that Jewish singles make a special effort to establish a personal, emotional connection with the tradition. In the book, Furman examines a variety of issues that can stump a single Jewish Female on the prowl for a mate and how to overcome them.
For instance:

1. The problems that can come of dating someone more or less religious
2. Where to meet Jewish men other than J-date
3. Developing feelings for a non-Jewish partner
4. Figuring out the Golden Rules of dating
5. Separating Jewish sexual mores from those of our Christian contemporaries
In the attempt to give young SJFs some good advice and much-needed perspective, SINGLE JEWISH FEMALE includes hundreds of quotes from Jewish women talking about what effect, if any, being Jewish has had on their love lives. "Jewish identity doesn’t have to be about keeping Kosher or observing Shabbat," Furman explains. "In fact, for most Jews, identity and dating have nothing to do with their religious beliefs. Nevertheless, being Jewish in the dating world presents a host of unique challenges." Some of Furman's press releases included this "Leah Furman is an author, lecturer and dating expert who has written more than 25 books. Her titles include "The Everything Dating Book," "Generation Inc" and "Our Boys Speak." She has discussed dating, relationships and her previous books on television shows such as ABC’s Good Morning America, NBC’s New York Weekend Today, FOX’s Good Day Philadelphia, the WB’s Good Morning Boston. She has also appeared as a dating expert on countless radio shows across the country, given her advice in Cosmopolitan magazine and written a column about dating and relationships for Seventeen online. She is currently the editor of the "Coupling" department at Profile magazine, a new dating/relationship-oriented e-zine for men and women

THE INTERVIEW

Furman: "Find a great setting for your meeting and half the work is done. The rest is just chemistry..."

Q: Correct me if I am wrong. American men in general, and particularly American Jewish men are not known for their generosity and savoir faire vis-à-vis ladies. French are. And the Italians wrote the book. So, how and why, American Jewish women should deal with men who don't know the difference between a Cognac and a glass of wine, or a cyclamen and a red rose?
Leah: Because these men remind them of their fathers. Ha ha. Seriously, though, there's a lot to be said for similar backgrounds and upbringings. If you're brought up to value practicality, comfort and stability, the idea of whirlwind romances and flash over substance may be a turn off.
Q: You are the expert. You are stunning and highly educated. So, what FIRST, do you notice in men in general, and in your date, in particular?
Leah: I notice the most obvious thing of all...his face. Whether it's attractive and has some intelligence in it. Then I notice his physique. Then I move on to his clothes and sense of style. But of course all this is very superficial...however, you did ask about the FIRST thing I notice.
Q: What the "things" a Jewish or non Jewish woman should be cautious, concerned and alert about on her first date?
Leah: She should be paying attention to her date at all times and evaluating him on his behavior and general level of interest in her. She should also be minding her own feelings, and trying to figure out if she's interested in getting to know this guy better.
Q: What is the most important and noticeable first date's "touch," flair or jest that totally and strongly makes a good impression on a Jewish woman, upon dating a stranger for the first time? You, Leah, what impresses you most?
Leah: Location, location, location...Find a great setting for your meeting and half the work is done. The rest is just chemistry...

Furman : "When we get involved in a relationship, religious differences require compromise from both partners."

Q: Your press release contained this statement: "Furman’s premise is that most non-religious Jews’ feelings about their heritage are in a state of flux throughout their lifetimes"? What do you mean by "state of flux"?
Leah: I mean that our sense of our Jewish identity is constantly changing. For instance, when we’re young, many of us equate Judaism with Hebrew school, and think of the heritage as something that’s foisted upon us by our parents. When we have our own kids, or start thinking about having kids, we start to appreciate the traditions of Judaism. Some of us even get into the spirituality of the religion and start attending services and lighting Sabbath candles for reasons that are not strictly religious.
Q: In your book, you discussed the problems that can come of dating someone more or less religious. What religion has to do in strong intimate and romantic relationship, especially when physical attraction is noticeably strong?
Leah: Not to underestimate the role of physical attraction, but it is just one of the bonds that keeps two people together. There’s also the question of overall compatibility. Our approach to religion is very personal, but when we get involved in a relationship, religious differences require compromise from both partners. In the book, I talk about striking a middle ground between a "love conquers all" optimism and a defeatist attitude.
Q: Are Jewish women -in general- more analytical in their relationships with men, than non Jewish women? If yes, can you give me a few examples?
Leah: Jewish women and non-Jewish women can be equally analytical and neurotic…
Q: What are the Golden Rules of dating? Just briefly, what is and what is not "golden" in a relationship? Can we really adopt rules, specific rules for relationship?

"Our culture is informed by Christianity’s views of sex.", said Furman.

Leah: The Golden Rule, in general, comes from Hillel, who summed up the Torah’s teaching with: "Do not do onto others as you would not have done onto you." By applying this one rule to all facets of a relationship, you come up with a set of guidelines, rather than rules that are carved in stone

Q: What do you mean by "Separating Jewish sexual mores from those of our Christian contemporaries"?
Leah: Our culture is informed by Christianity’s views of sex, which can be restrictive given that the focus is on "immaculate conception" and vows of celibacy for the priesthood. Judaism is more relaxed in this department in that everyone is encouraged to be fruitful and multiply. Judaism is less about abstinence and more about moderation and self-control.
Q: Are modern Jewish women in cosmopolitan cities more sexually active than their suburban counterparts?
Leah: That depends on the definition of sexually active. Women in cosmopolitan cities typically have more sexual partners, but to say that they have more sex is misleading since more women in the suburbs tend to be in relationships.
Q: Why (according to your statement) "Being Jewish in the dating world presents a host of unique challenges"?
Leah: Dating as a Jew is simply different. For starters, many Jews are looking strictly for a fellow Jew, which leaves out about 98 percent of the population. Then there’s the question of why…as in, why am I restricting myself to Jews when I am not even religious? That’s a big one. Many Jewish singles experience tremendous pressure from their families to stay within the tribe. Jews who decide to stray from the flock will also have to face the difficulties that can come with an interfaith relationship. And then there’s the issue of where to find other Jewish singles. Oy!

Furman: "Any Jewish woman getting involved with a non-Jew needs to consider what Judaism means to her and what it may mean to her in the future."

Q: If you had to give the single most important advice to a modern Jewish woman who is considering dating a non-Jew. What this advice would be?
Leah: The lines of communication need to be clear. Many times Jews get involved with non-Jews on the spur of the moment. Not expecting the relationship to get serious, they don't worry about the consequences. This rashness is what causes a lot of pain down the line. Any Jewish woman getting involved with a non-Jew needs to consider what Judaism means to her and what it may mean to her in the future. Then, should the relationship become more involved, she'd have to discuss her feelings with her partner.
Q: You are an expert on dating. How did you become such an expert?
Leah: First and foremost, there’s a goldmine of personal experience. Then, there is the fact that I’ve been writing about dating since 1996. I am also the co-author of The Everything Dating Book. While writing it, I spoke to everyone I could about their dating experiences. Over the years, I’ve realized that people are much more alike than they are different and the laws that govern relationships are universal.
Q: Did you date a lot before you got married?
Leah: I’m single and dating right now.
Q: What kind of men are you attracted to?
Leah: Good communicators, who can express themselves well and know how to listen.

Furman: "Sex is very important to most of the women I’ve spoken to, Jewish or not."

Q: You wrote also about sex. How important SEX is to unmarried Jewish woman in cosmopolitan cities?
Leah: Seems like sex is very important to most of the women I’ve spoken to, Jewish or not.
Q: What usually unmarried Jewish women do, to satisfy their sexual needs?
Leah: There’s a range of possibilities for single women in need of sex. Like most women, Jewish women can and do engage in everything from serial monogamy to flings to casual sex. Lately, people have begun to rely more and more on online dating to expand their pool of potential sexual partners.
Q: And how about unmarried Jewish men? Same thing?
Leah: Same thing.
Q: Can a non Jewish woman learn anything from your book, since it was exclusively geared toward Jewish women?
Leah: Well, if the non-Jewish woman in question is interested in Jewish men, she could certainly learn a lot about them and the thought process that takes place when Jews are dating outside the faith. The book is also more spiritual than religious, and the spiritual core of Judaism is accessible to people of all faiths.

Furman: "Safety is always a priority."

Q: What is the most important thing a woman -in general- should take into consideration about meeting a stranger on a first date?
Leah: Safety is always a priority. If a woman is meeting someone for the first time, it should be at a public place.
Q: Would you consider proper to have sex on the first date?
Leah: While it’s not the most promising way to begin a serious relationship, I can’t think of too many instances when sex between two consenting, single adults is improper.

LEAH FURMAN'S NEW BOOK "SINGLE JEWISH FEMALE" is an essential guide to harmonious, romantic, safe, successful and intelligent dating. No library on social studies, dating, romance, dating etiquette and savoir-faire is complete without it. This is an ESSENTIAL BOOK. A guide. A reference. A learning tool and absolutely a necessary companion for Jewish women who are searching for the "Right ONE" in a troubled and ever-metamorphosing contemporary society. Two thumbs up. First class. Rating: 5 stars out of 5. Buy it. You will treasure it for years to come. It could and would change your life and transform it in to an avalanche of delightful events, joyful moments, happiness, fun, excitement and successful dating.

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